A Passage on Uncertainties, Assurances and Truths

December 30th, 2007 

Thoughts Related To Uncertainties

I feel I have existed in two lives, the old one, a steady and even plane; one which I took leave from some 349 days ago. A course taken which mapped a path to a new one.

Now, a returning, a sinking perhaps. Not negativity but a reality, moving closer to a transition. And questions. Will I slot back in as before? Constance, assurance and yet with a degree of restlessness. How can I after this? Will the former come up and meet the latter, show its cards, make a compromise? I am willing it to.

This cannot last forever, this artificial environment, but it has felt so real. Is everything real, or illusory, how can sheer opposites intertwine so?

Thoughts Veering Towards Assurances

Like any decision, the one to make this trip governed the thereafter and the now, and hence it cannot be a separate life I find myself in. I can apply the example to new choices. Add ingenuity and zest. Create exciting junctures and take them. I can do that for my whole life!

Everything is a reality, and more importantly, mine is my own. It’s in the assumption that environments are set in stone, that one is avoiding the essence of their life.

Writing and thinking, I have felt unsure and perhaps lost, but I retained some wholesome core throughout. It was; is, worthwhile.

Truths For Me

Philosophical and scientific methods can only serve as a base for the spiritual. Anything that relies on reductionism will eventually disintegrate or when beggaring the question why? Be met with I don’t know. Spirituality is a question of being, and its essence lies in the I don’t know. The only thing close to an answer is a feeling which although I cannot describe, I recognise to be like no other. And yet contain all others.

Happiness, pain, elation, angst, euphoria et al. Such notions – surmised as feeling, use energy, give energy, are energy. Despite my hypothesising, I cannot word the mechanism, the all important trick that enables these flares of emotion to exist within a harmonious state. All one can do is apply some cocktail of endurance, and embrace that encompasses them. For without these, what would be left, indifference? I cannot choose that.

When taking the time to evaluate as I have and looking back, all I truly feel is a grateful acceptance of the beauty of life.