Global Beverage Vending Machine

December 15th, 2007

It occurred to me that I consider drinking a recreation, I don’t solely mean alcohol consumption, in fact the intake of liquids; hot, cold, alcoholic, non, dairy, soy and otherwise is something I have very much enjoyed in a multitude of places. So I propose the global beverage vending machine. If I travel again, I will obviously purchase a second machine to include favourites from countries I have not visited thus far.

• Press 001 - Bottled Water, with a reassuring chloride taste and sealed plastic lid, however be sure to wipe this down unless you prefer the accompaniment of dust with your H₂O. Initial Price -Between 50 and 200 Indian Rupees per rather battered bottle, once in the know this will plummet to 10 IR.

• Press 002 - Chai Masala, sweet, milky hot tea with slightly spiced flavour available all over India. Comes in small clay pot or glass. Price - 5 Indian Rupees per small clay pot

• Press 003 - Lemon Soda, you will be provided with half a lemon, a bottle of soda, a glass and a bowl of sugar or salt containing 7 +or- 2 ants. Depending on the sequence of your actions thereafter, this concoction can be combined to provide a most revitalising drink or an explosive device. I would imagine you will only get it wrong once. Price – 10 Indian Rupees per glass

• Press 004 - Po Cha, soupy tasting hot tea, made from black tea leaves, yak butter and salt, which is churned in a leather tube and then heated. Very filling. Tibetan by origin, although available in Nepal. Price – 30 Nepali Rupees per glass (Tall), dusting of cinnamon not available

• Press 005 - Beer Lao, the best beer in Laos. The only beer in Laos. An extremely refreshing lager in the heat and a real chance to actively fund communism. Price - 10 000 Laos Kips per large bottle

• Press 006 – Lao Lao, ubiquitously distilled home brew made from rice. Extremely potent. Price – swig available from fuel cannister on request

• Press 007 -  Lao Coffee, a centimetre of condensed milk topped with thick rich coffee, which surprisingly doesn’t appear to contain caffeine. Price – 4000 Laos Kips per glass

• Press 008 - Bubble Tea, cold soy milk tea with marble sized tapioca balls at the bottom. Drunk with a big straw which allows the balls to fly into the mouth and down the throat suddenly and at will. Available throughout S E Asia. Price – 2000 Cambodian Riels per large plastic cup

• Press 009 - Bia Hoi, quite awful tasting Vietnamese street beer, you may be asking why you would venture to buy it. The reason being, it is the equivalent of 4 British Pence a glass. Price - 2000 Vietnamese Dong per glass with ice

• Press 010 – Whiskey and Iced Green Tea, while the purists check their pulses, I will affirm that this is my favourite way to drink whiskey. Available in all Chinese nightclubs to be consumed while playing a drinking game with a dice. Price - 90 Chinese Yuan per jug

• Press 011 - Asahi Super Dry, great tasting Japanese beer. Can be drunk anywhere in Japan, providing the restaurant owner doesn’t turn you away, stating no Gaijan allowed. Price - 250 Japanese Yen per 330 ml can

• Press 012 - Mate de Coca, coca leaves steeped in steaming water that provides a lightly flavoured drink, good for high altitudes. Price – 3 Bolivianos per mug plus subsequent drug test failure free.

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